Again with the duality. I find myself moving between the two selves, although they’re all part of the whole. To the working world, I’m my given name, and proud of it as well. The coworkers, business people, and anyone official know me as Michael. But to others, in my social circles, out on the town, here in cyberspace, I retain my existence as Wildcat.
The Wildcat name came about after I did a vision quest, as this is one of my protectors. When I asked about it, I was told, “you are always Wildcat”, probably because I’m terribly feline in nature. Wildcat isn’t a name I hide behind, since it’s just a part of me, but it’s the fierceness within me, say the fire which burns inside. It’s associated with my sense of morality, my sense of justice, my desire to go into the fight, teeth bared and claws drawn, ready to defend those who need defending, in spite of myself. Wildcat is about being in the forest of despair, brushing against the trees and claiming my territory in this universe. Wildcat is about doing what’s right by myself and others, but also there’s a degree of selfishness as Wildcat always comes first. Wildcat is what people see when among the unwashed masses, the majesty of being who you are, regardless of popular opinion or social requirements.
Now Michael isn’t entirely different, but rather a bit easier for people to relate to for the most part. Since there’s so many people named Michael in our social circles, I tend to differentiate myself by using Wildcat. And I always prefer Michael as my name, not Mike, Mickey or any other variant. I won’t answer to those anyhow. The Michael personae is often how I’d view the archangel to be. Stern but fair, firm in holding his ground and a tactician. Although I must confess that there’s parts of me that are never seen by the general public, saved only for those close to me. My emotions in particular are reserved for my personal life only. In most situations I appear cold, calculating and probably quite hard because I turn to my intellect more than my emotions. While I have a great sense of humor and find almost everything now-a-days laughable, it doesn’t always show. But bear in mind, I’m probably inwardly laughing at something, especially the situation at hand.
No one person has seen all the facets I fear. I think it’s impossible to show all of oneself to anyone. We all wear our masks, discarding them as the situation changes or the players on the stage wander on and off. Anyone who denied the masks we wear is probably someone who hasn’t yet discovered that it covers their face. I’m at least honest enough to know it, face it and admit it.