I’ve always found it a curiosity how people perceive me. I’ve often been called ‘stand-offish’ or ‘unapproachable’ when I’m out with the unwashed masses, and I’ll confess that I do put that face forward as I don’t necessarily care for the immediate problems or situations that people carry with them upon first meeting. To me, first impressions are most important, and I can tell right off the mark whether I’ll warm to someone or treat them with derision.
The people who dare to move past the facade and into the depths learn what kind of person I am truthfully. I think it takes a strong ego to get to know me, although I’m complex in the mechanics, I’m fairly simply in the rules which I play by. I expect to get what’s given, so respect and trust are earned on both sides. I’m also quick to cut loose anyone who breaks the bond of friendship, therefore, no second chances are given. I’ve been burnt too often in the past to afford such misery again.
Although I’m cynical, sarcastic, sardonic, and otherwise perceived as a cranky bastard, people will often tell me things which they’d never utter to another person, and frequently they come to me for my sage advice. I’m not sure why there’s this discrepencey of personae or perception, as you’d think that most people would think that I’d just judge them for these tidbits or cast a disdainful eye upon them. When a person in my social circle, be they newly entered or long standing, comes to me with a situation or confession, I listen to what they have to say and then I’ll give them my take on it, asking questions for further clarification. The odd thing is that I can see their situation with crystal clarity, often finding the right road for them to travel, seeing their goal; yet I’m unable to do this for myself most of the time.
I’ve recently had a dear friend from the past come back into my life. We connect through the joys of FaceBook and he told me that he had something to talk to me about but was run off his feet. I told him that when he had the time, just hit me up. After a few days we had the time to sit down and chat, and what he had to tell me didn’t come as a surprise but I think it took a load off his mind to be able to speak to someone about this who would understand, not judge and just listen. I asked the questions and made him feel comfortable about this situation, offering advice on how to handle present relationships, how to find others who could be of support and generally being just a friend. But I found it so funny that after 30 years apart, give or take a century, that this firend would just open up to me as if we’d spent years developing a relationship. Granted, for me, it’s as if no time passed and maybe it goes back to my detachment from time itself. I find this happens with many of my friends.
Sometimes when I’m out and meet someone new this happens too. We just get to talking and all of the sudden I’m hearing the deepest secrets which they’d not say to anyone close to them. Once more, if they want my take on it, I’m happy to give it; whether they do anything with it is up to them. In a way it gives me a good feeling to believe that I’ve helped someone nagivate the quagmire of life.
Now, if only I could do that for myself and untwist the workings of my mind.