From Blogger: Beginnings

Originally Published on Blogger:  21 April 2013

     I suppose everything needs to begin somewhere.  So it begins.

     It’s been a very long time since I kept any form of journal, notes, diary or such.  Although, looking back, I probably should have with my memory being what it is.  My memory is sketchy at the best of time and yet it can be massively keen in some regards.  Due to this inadequacy, I write things down on scraps of paper, calendars, my iPad, etc.  My past is the greatest failing.  I don’t remember many things or I feel the memories are erroneous, therefore, I feel that I need to unravel this.

     Okay, a little about the person who’s wasting time sitting at a computer, typing things down and putting forth what is essentially the mind and soul.  I’ll be 44 years old this year, average height and weight, above average intelligence (so I’m told) and handsome (at least my partner thinks so).  I do have a very hard time building myself up, which is why I tend to fail at meeting people on chat or ‘hook up’ sites.  I’ve gone through my phase when I was younger of being exceedingly vain and arrogant.  I’m an elitist by nature though. I’m highly suspicious of people’s motives because of my past and therefore not very trusting of others.  I don’t make friends easily, mainly because I won’t let people close too quickly, and thus, don’t have many friends over here in the UK.  Those friends I do manage to make, are life-long.  I’m extremely loyal to them and notice that even when I go away, hide underground, disappear for years on end, those friends do find me when they need me and I’m there.  It’s often as if time never passed; we just pick up where we left off.  I would say that I have a good few true friends.

     I’m also the kind of guy who doesn’t like to ask anyone to do anything for me.  I’m terribly proud and feel that if I can’t do it myself, or at least make the effort, then it’s not to be had.  But saying this, I know my limitations and know when I do need to call in for help.  Can I change a light bulb?  Sure!  But a socket, a light fixture, a circuit breaker… no way!  And with my luck, I’d blast myself across the room, as I’ve done before.

     I live by a very strict code of honor which was given to me by my grandfather, one of the greatest men I’ve ever known.  He entrusted this to me in the time I spent living above him in Chicago and watching over him while he recovered from throat cancer.  Everything that I do is calculated to the nth degree for its outcome, to benefit myself or others.  I do not go out of my way to make lives miserable nor to seek a form of revenge, feeling instead that misery comes on its own and people get what they deserve in the end.  Do I have people in my life which I would enjoy their pain and suffering?  Oh you betcha.  But what goes around, comes around and it’s not my place to impart their sentence in the grand court of the universe.  I will undoubtedly thrill at their fall, though.  I have a huge sense of integrity and justice.  This can sometimes be a major failing of mine.  Especially in business where others don’t have a sense of honor, integrity or even human nature.

      Gods this is hard to do….

     I’m also ‘not Christian’, just in case you’re wondering.  I was ejected from the Catholic Church some many years ago. A slight disagreement, really.. I’m a mage, a spiritualist, a seeker of knowledge.  I’ve worked with witches, druids, Enochians, and Wiccans.  And I don’t feel there needs to be some sack of flesh in a Cossock, with a limited understanding of the universe and its workings, to be a go-between for me with any form of higher being.  Do I believe in god or gods?  Sure.  I’ve seen too much to not believe in higher powers.  I know of the Angelics, the Infernals and many of the spirits that meander the planes.  But I surely won’t have someone else interpreting their actions for me.  I’m bright enough to see, feel, hear and then come to the conclusions on my own. I’ve read many of the holy texts of most religions and still reading more.  By doing so, you can easily see a very familiar pattern.  Most will tell the same story, only the names have changed.  So perhaps there’s one all powerful being who gets a kick out of being called different things in different places?  I firmly believe that higher beings have a great sense of humor, and how couldn’t they with amusement such as the human race to look upon?

     Let’s see.. what else?

     I’m also an avid reader, with some of my favorites being H.L. Mencken (never read him? oh do!  He’s a riot!), R.A, Salvatore (Because I love AD&D), Dante (Divine Comedy=light reading).  I enjoy movies, but not usually ones that are overly intellectual or foreign films.  I see them as entertainment.  I enjoy playing AD&D but I haven’t in years because I’ve not found a decent group here in the UK.  So I spend a lot of time playing video games, World of Warcraft, Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls.  Although I enjoy games I play on my own, not with others in the wide world.  I find most of the people in MMO games to be complete pricks.  Personally, I’d be pleased if these hosting companies (Blizzard) made an adult group of servers and a kids group of servers.  You can probably send some of the 20-somethings to the kids group of servers too as they act like children most times.

     Future’s past:

     It was about 6 years ago that I met my partner Mx on the internet.  We were both in this virtual world called SecondLife, by Linden Labs, and connected.  It took some time, and it’s a pretty funny story.  I’ll tell it some day.  Anyhow, I wasn’t working at the time, having been relieved of my position through deception, and was having to leave my apartment after my previous relationship went to hell.  Mx asked if we wanted to take the next logical step and get married, this would allow me to come to the UK and find better work.  I told him “Sure” and we put the plan into action.  Before moving to the UK, of course, the paperwork had to be taken care of, especially getting a divorce from the waste of flesh that I had married.  I moved in with a good friend from SL (SecondLife) named Mirah and her husband until this was all done.  So I got the divorce, got my visa, and left the States for good.  Within 2 months, Mx and I were married and we’ve had the best of days ever since!

     Now a little about this:

     Most people who see me think of me as a logical, elite, serious person.  I’m stark, wearing black most of the time, hair sharply spiked and protective eye-wear on most of the time (I can’t see well in light).  But little do they know, I’m the happiest I have ever been in my life.  Mx fills my days with such happiness and love that it’s often overpowering.  Include to the mix our wonderful cats, Xena, Tiddles, Merlin, Hobbes, and it’s a picture perfect life.  Now I must say, it’s not all sunshine and roses for us.  Mx has his share of medical conditions, but we handle them.  We never let them get in our way, nor do we sit around and weep over the hand dealt us by the universe.  He and I are thankful for all we have, and thankful for each other.  I don’t think that I’ve ever met a man so remarkable and yet, outward appearance, unremarkable.  He’s a hidden treasure and shines brilliantly in the darkness of everyday living.  When people look at us, I often can see in their faces that we may seem an odd couple.  But once they see the amount of love that flows between us, and it’s quite evident, they change.  I can then see the smiles and laughter of people we meet come out, as if our love is infectious.  If so, GOOD!  The world needs more love, smiles and laughter.

     Oh, and by the way, I’m gay.

     So there it is:  a magical practitioner imported from the States to the UK whose a brilliant snob, follows the way of the samurai, has a partner who fills him with the joy of living, and a life that’s full of everything that could possibly be wanted.

     Now I probably won’t be publishing every day.  And may go long intervals between posts.  But perhaps it will be interesting, maybe shine some light on issues others have, maybe even make the world a better place.  Who can say?  I sure as hell can’t tell what my future will bring.  But I do hope that this little blog brings wisdom and possibly a lot of amusement to others.


May the odds ever be in your favor,

Wildcat