As I wake today and look to the other side of the bed, I wonder where my beloved husband has wandered off to, once more.  Once more I’m reminded that he’s no longer there, nor here.

Four years ago today, I would be waking up on my own as well.  Four years ago today, my beloved husband was in the hospital, with doctors trying to fix a severe wound on his heel which they hadn’t fixed for over a year.  Four years ago today, I would be feeding four cats instead of two.  Four years ago today, I was the happiest man on the planet, looking forward to another day with my husband.

Here’s how my day would be.

I’d wake up, after yet another restless sleep, aching in my bones and muscles, sometimes with my skin on fire.  I’d drag myself from the bed, moving slowly at first, to have my shower with a sidelong glance at the empty side of the bed.  The cats would be patiently  waiting for me to dish out their breakfast in the kitchen and front room.  Polished and still aching, I’d trundle down the stairs, make my coffee while feeding the little ones, then throw a pot noodle into my bag before heading out the door.  I’d sometimes grab a bag of items destined for my beloved man’s bedside.

I’d drive to the car park, not parking where usually I would if I were taking my husband to his place of work, as I wouldn’t assume to take up a space while he’s in the hospital.  I’d walk to the hospital, where I worked, and head into the building, heading up to my love’s ward.  It would be early, way before visiting hours, so I’d tip-toe to his bed and leave whatever he’d asked for the night before.  It might have been some clean clothing, or maybe a book.  Often I’d sneak him a little naughty snack.  If he was awake, I’d have a chance to say “good morning” and give him a quick kiss before departing to begin the day.

I’d head down to the office and get to work, greeting my friends as they’d come in.  Since I wasn’t sleeping very well, I was in the office much earlier than they were.  I’d go through the usual day, missing the phone calls on my cell phone which he’d usually do “just because”.  My spirits would remain high because I knew that I’d be seeing him soon and he was only a few floors up.

Come lunchtime, I’d quickly have my pot noodle, then head back up to his ward, as he’d now be awake and hopefully have some update from the grotesquery which I call doctors.  I’d usually be walking around fine by now, the pain from the morning having subsided.  I’d have an hour of time with my love, holding hands, talking over the day’s events so far and getting an update on his condition.  At this point, he’d only been approved for the graft to repair his heel.  I would be frustrated with the staff for not applying the cream for his eczema, so I’d apply it instead and once more reiterate to the nurse’s station the importance of applying it.  Once more, the time would pass, I’d keep him smiling and laughing.  We’d kiss then off to finish the day.

At the close of the day, I’d pack up and once more head up to visit with my love in his bed.  As not much time had passed, I might get another update, or maybe not.  I’d ask him if I could bring him anything more on the morning and I’d collect anything which needed to go home with me.  I’d spend another hour with him before I had to go, loathing the time I had to walk back to the car and head home.  I’d kiss him once more, and tell him I loved him as we always did whenever we were apart, then make my way to the car park.  I’d often burn the memory of his smile into my head so I had that for the way home.  I’d listen to music on my iPod which was either something we both liked, something that reminded me of him or something which he’d sing himself.

Now I’d get in the car and head back to the house, feeling the pull of heartstrings all the way.  He and I didn’t function well when we were apart.  It was as if we were two parts of a machine, needed to make things work.  I’d listen to music on the way, once more something we might sing together when we’d drive somewhere.  He and I loved to harmonize when we travelled places.  I’d make myself some dinner, feed the little lovelies who would be meowing upon my arrival, then go and play a video game on the computer.   After an few hours of distraction, I’d head up to bed, slipping into the covers after collecting anything which he needed the next morning and placing that near my bag.

I’d drift off to sleep, listening to something on the iPad next to the bed, and stroke the covers or sheets on his side of the bed.  Before closing my eyes, I’d say “good night” to him, wherever he may be and look forward to seeing him the next day, although dreading another night without him, another night without sleep.

In one month, my life would collapse.

Categories: General

Tagged as: Husband

wildcatleeds

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