Every night I come home to the house and our furry babies, 4 cats. I open the windows and put in the screens so they can enjoy the fresh air. I go down to the office which used to be my late husband’s dialysis room and give Xena, the eldest cat, a gentle snuggle. She enjoys laying on my shoulder during the evening while I rip DVD’s and watch movies on the Fire Stick.
His desk is still the same as it always was, although covered in dvd’s to be filed away. His computer is downloading movies and converting them from iTunes. And many times Merlin will sleep in his chair, the empty chair. I look over from my seat at my desk, remembering when he’d be quietly napping while the dialysis machine cleaned his blood. Or on the days when he didn’t have to do dialysis, we’d be chatting away as we watch a show. We used to laugh at so many things, especially if a show was particularly bad. He’d often be researching something for our vacations, or checking on better deals for the utilities. He was very good at these things where I have no head for it.
Now I have to do these things myself. I have four cats that enjoy sleeping across my desk. Often I blankly stare at the show on the screen. I switch discs over and over again, prepare them for the media server, or study my online courses. I go into my games very rarely now; I blame myself for spending too much time on the game and not enough up with my husband when he was unwell. Had I known what was in store for us, I wouldn’t have bothered with the game.
I look over, imagining my beautiful man once more, when in reality all I have left is an empty chair.
wildcatleeds
I keep ya guessing
WildcatLeeds 