In my struggle to get my life back in order after the untimely demise of my beautiful husband, Michael, I’ve been making the vain attempt to get out and try to meet people. I’ve gone about a complete reorganization of my wardrobe, putting the black drapes of fashion to the side and purchased lighter clothing, mostly beiges, khakis, and light grey. Shirts of blue, green, white and off-white now hang where the noir once did. The hardest part was finding a leather coat to go with my new clothing but I managed to find a night light beige leather coat which is fashioned like a frock coat. The cut of it is marvelous.
My hair is no longer pitch black, having grown out and bleached from the sun. It’s a light brown with wisps of blonde going through it, and of course, dark roots where the sun hasn’t bleached it yet. This happens when I’m expose to sunlight; my skin darkens quickly and my hair lightens just as fast. My skin is still as soft as it’s always been, which leads many people to disbelief when I tell them that I’m almost 50 years old.
So the first month, I didn’t go out, because all I did was burst into tears. Or the second month, I still felt a little unsteady. At the beginning of May, I went up to Manchester once more, for the monthly Manchester Leathermen social. I made the mistake of getting my room for Friday through Sunday. I took off of work for that Friday, fed the cats and then headed up to Manchester in the afternoon, arriving between 3 and 4 pm, which I allocated for check-in. Bringing my bags to the room in the hotel which my lovely husband and I always stayed in, I set up the computer, put up my clothing, and then sat. And sat. And sat. I went out for smokes, I talked to the staff there, who were noticably devastated by the news of my darling’s passing on. They’ve always been so good with us. But Friday was a waste of time. I put out a message on the Manchester Leathermen Facebook page asking if anyone was around for dinner and maybe drinks, but no takers. So I grabbed a bite at McDonald’s and went to bed early. I expected to be up again at 3 am, which was the case for the past month and continues to this day.
Saturday was the day that I was to meet with one of our friends from the club, so I could transfer all of Michael’s leather gear to him for the new people sessions they have. I figured I’d donate all this gear because the club runs a new people gathering for people just getting their feet wet in the leather community and they sometimes will sell donated goods. I thought, this is good for new people who can’t afford quality and good for the club so they can use the money for the Manchester Leather Weekend in October. I did a little shopping, getting lost on the way to the mall, then got a call to meet Rob for the transfer. I got back, transferred the contents of the car, because all of his gear not only filled up the trunk, but also the back seat! And I had to carry all this down from the attic; let’s hear it for muscles!
I went to the social and it was pleasant enough, although very few people talked to me. It was still early on with the tragedy and I’m sure that people didn’t know how to approach me. Rob kept checking on me as I stood by myself and watched the clusters of people socializing. I left early and wandered down Canal Street, wondering if I should even bother going into the clubs. I just went back to the room and put myself to bed.
Up early once more on Sunday, I left for home at about 6 am. And that was my first weekend back in Manchester after the destruction of my life.
The June social went much better although I only booked for Saturday through Sunday. I wasn’t going to spend all my time in the room. I arrived once more in the afternoon and had dinner by myself before the social. I had a drink with an old friend from Second Life who was in the area for the weekend. At the social, more people spent time getting to know me and it was quite pleasant. I didn’t go to the other clubs again, not wishing to go into them alone and stand around watching the people.
July I’ll take a pass on, as it’s too close to my birthday, and it’ll be the first one without my beloved here. But I’ll go back in August and see how it goes and I have the room booked for October already.
I know that I have to take this slowly, baby steps I’m told. But I’m trying at least. I’m not out for romance, nor dating of any kind. I just want people to have fun with. And it’s hard to find because everyone seems to be on the make. Everyone but me.
wildcatleeds
I keep ya guessing
WildcatLeeds 